Monthly Update 4: December Round-up
Jan 8th, 2013 by admin
Most of the things I think about, this winter, make me spit with rage. Perhaps it’s something to do with the weather.
However, putting that sort of stuff into words on paper does nobody a favour, so I am going to keep my rages to myself. Instead I will offer my public something that can only enrich the life of anyone who has the good fortune to be gazing in this direction right now. Here we go!
NEW YEAR RESOLUTION
How about cutting your ration of porridge by four fifths? Would that not please your personal trainer and your waistband? It can be done – painlessly, and with a vast increment in the pleasure stakes. As follows:
Let your porridge be lightly cooked. Let it show that it hails from good sturdy oats, not from primeval soup. Serve it in a tiny (pre-heated) bowl. At the breakfast table let it be placed beside an equally tiny teaspoon, in close proximity to a small bowl of granulated sugar and a slightly larger bowl of Extra Thick Jersey Cream (straight from the fridge).
Raise the spoon and capture a tiny teaspoon’s tiny tipful of cream. Deftly gather up the same amount of steaming but not dripping porridge. Then caress the surface of the sugar with the lightly-porridge-coated bottom of the spoon.
Slide the tout ensemble between lips and into friendly contact with the tongue. First sensation: granular – but not for long. It melts, it liquifies, it sweetens. A moment of bliss! And then another as the warm embrace of steaming porridge makes itself felt, before giving way to the icy chill of the Jersey Cream (extra thick).
I have to tell you that this is as near to heaven as I have ever got in a lifetime of exploring the delights of the best meal of the day.
I also have to tell you that, if you adopt the luxurious extras but insist on your usual mammoth bowl of porridge, you will not be able to face your boiled egg, and you will probably make yourself sick by trying.
Important postscript: on porridge mornings the orange juice should be sipped after the porridge, rather than before it. Ration your porridge, then clear your taste buds with your orange juice, and you will be in perfect condition to massacre the rest of the meal.
One caveat: if you look like becoming addicted to bouillie d’avoine a la creme de la creme (apologies for absence of accents), have a word with your doctor. You might need to take up jogging to prevent a build-up of dangerous fatty substances. Possibly it would be as well to take porridge off the menu between the beginning of April and the end of October. Eternal vigilance is a sine qua non for those of us who take the pursuit of pleasure seriously.
Happy New Year.