FOOTBALL

The bare facts of the Eurochampionships speak for themselves. England were beaten (not at football, but at penalties) by Italy, who ended up as losing finalists. That means that, at European level, England is competitive. It was also quite a good result in another way. Losing their semifinal saved them from a hammering at the hands of the Spaniards. So they escaped from that tournament with a certain amount of credit and no serious scars on the psyche.

On another level, one criticism. In every game they played, the opposition interpassed infinitely better than England, and seemed to have no difficulty in performing that particular artform while heading towards the English goal.  Whereas England’s players were comparatively ponderous and only seemed comfortable with the passing  game when they too were heading for their own goal without too much mobbing from the opposition. Surely some mistake?

This situation must be very interesting for Mr Hodgson (of whom I am a fan). He has managed teams all over Europe, so he knows the training ground routines that help develop that particular dexterity. This means that he is the ideal man to turn weakness into strength.

Lo and behold! The other evening (mid July 2012) I find myself watching Brazil playing a British side managed by Stuart Pearce. Is it Britain’s Olympic squad? There weren’t many of the players who had featured in the Euros, and the team were honoured by the presence of super-Welshman  Ryan Giggs, but that is not the point. The point is that the British interpassing was better than had been that of England in the Euros, and these young men were actually able to go forward in formation and without losing the ball. I could hardly believe my eyes. They were soundly beaten, but Rome was not built in a day.

Is everything perfect? I only have one other criticism to make – of the England team.  A decisive intervention by any of the world’s top players  is not necessarily the result of twenty seconds of deliberation. It often results from instant appreciation of an opportunity and the courage to go for it before the opposition have a chance to regroup. I suspect that traditionally England has been short of the wit and the will to play that way, and perhaps the players should try it. It could catch on. It could produce goals.

TENNIS: Andy Murray – ballet dancer?

Judging by the number of unforced errors, I conclude, rightly or wrongly, that the mens’ singles final at Wimbledon was not up to standard. No blame attaches to Federer: for a number of years he has consistently produced the finest tennis ever seen (apart from Rosol’s demolition of Rafa), and he is entitled to slow down a bit, to practice somewhat less, and even to find the daily grind rather boring, apart from when he is counting his money. I salute him.

I have this strange feeling that Andy Murray thinks he is a warrior and is a bit embarrassed to be a tennis player at all. I have seen him produce sublime timing, pinpoint accuracy, the touch of a brain surgeon, and strategy to die for. In this fashion I have seen him reduce the Fed, the Serb and the Spaniard to their knees for one set, or maybe two. At this point, it seems to me that he says to himself, “I am a warrior, let me cast this pansy ballet-dancing aside and instead pound, smash, impale and destroy like a good Scot should!” He then gets well stuffed and starts moaning.

Andy Murray, you are an artist, or you are nothing. Do just try to appreciate the talent Providence has provided and all your hard work has enhanced.  If you really want to be a warrior, go to one of those smelly gyms where warriors foregather – and join in. You won’t like it. Your chin is too big, and you tend to lead with it.  It won’t take long before you begin to appreciate the advantages of having at your disposal the skills of a ballet-dancer.

CRICKET

An in-depth assessment of Test Match cricket will appear as soon as I can find the words to describe various extreme stages of attention-span dysfunction. At present the communal vocabulary of our reporting team simply cannot convey the horrors of England’s capitulation to this debilitating and possibly incurable condition.

Andrew Simpson

25th July 2012