From our Sports correspondent.
The time has come to tackle the weird and wonderful world of English Cricket – before it’s too late and the national side embarks on the next stage in its downward spiral.
What right have I got to pontificate on a subject as arcane as the realm of leather on willow? Let me present my credentials, in the form of an essay about a subject on which all cricket-lovers will have formed an opinion. The cricketing public will determine whether I am good, bad, mad, sad or downright evil. If I am deemed a disaster from any perspective whatsoever, let me be cut down to size with a few well-chosen words of comment.
Here goes.
For a dozen years or more, it was universally accepted that, when Shane Warne prepared to bowl, the batsman would adopt the crouch position and gaze in the bowler’s direction like a rabbit caught in the headlights of a car. Whereupon Mr Warne would launch himself into an extempore but well-rehearsed routine: field-changes, ball-tossings, intense confabulations with his captain, cheery exchanges with the wicket-keeper, and perhaps a discussion with the umpire concerning the rights and wrongs of some obscure paragraph in the rule book.
Meanwhile the rabbit, transfixed and tense, was well on the way to becoming petrified.
It was complete madness. Putting up with tension of that sort was guaranteed to impair the batsman’s chance of playing the ball efficiently – which is what Mr Warne intended. Ask any sprinter about the effects of being held for too long in the “Set!” position, and he or she will tell you that it is disastrous. The same applies to the “on guard” position in cricket.
The solution was for the batsman to raise an admonitory hand, stand up, stretch, bounce, walk, smile at the chubby fellow at the other end, yawn, give him a wave, and then in leisurely fashion and in his own good time resume the crouch. And he should keep on doing thus as long as the chubby blond with the alopetia and the drug-bust on his CV persisted with his unattractive tactics.
Do unto Warne as Warne would do unto you, in fact.
You’ll notice that I have in the last paragraph spoken of the great bowler in disparaging terms. I’m not suggesting that the batsman should have started an argument. That would have been counterproductive. However the batsman should have been aware that anyone who behaved in the manner I have described might be a fine bowler, but he was also sneaky, unsporting, and contemptible – and deserved to be treated as such.
So what I am saying is that, the moment the chubby one started his tricks, the batsmen should have retaliated bigtime. And if the batsmen didn’t react as I am suggesting, Higher Authority (high above the coal face and with an overview of what was going on) should have given them the office, marked their card, and told them to get stuck in to the antipodean Pudding.
The point is – am I right in my analysis of that situation? Because if I am, maybe I am also right about the malaise afflicting England’s national side at this very moment.
There are those who look on the bright side and suggest that a change of coach is all that is needed to bring back the glory days. Dream on. Duncan Fletcher was, by all accounts, a first-class coach, and the fact that he could not work the oracle to the nation’s satisfaction is a pretty good indication that one would be well advised to look elsewhere for the cause of the problem.
It is my suspicion that there is a weak link, and that it is further up the chain of command. It is my suspicion that the coach as well as the players have, from time to time, needed vital help from above, and all they have been getting has been platitude, indecision and a reluctance to lead. A reluctance to look at problems in the context of “the bigger picture.” A reluctance, or an inability, to say “Let’s not sweep this difficulty under the carpet. Let’s face it now. Let’s try something new if necessary – and on my head be it, if it fails.” Brains, imagination, courage – leadership, at the top level.
The captaincy is the first item that comes to mind. At a certain point there was a providential, and quite obvious opportunity to play what might well have turned out to be a masterstroke. Instead there was a lot of huffing and puffing and side-stepping and the sound of furtive footsteps running for cover, and the least controversial option was adopted. Result: opportunity missed, captaincy by no means improved, and the on-field potential of the team adversely affected. This was a perfect example of a situation where someone above the coach should have made a difference, and should have taken responsibility.
Item Number Two. Harmison and Trescothick are men of the highest calibre and of enormous cricketing talent. Both have a problem with touring. So what happens? Nothing. Nobody grasps the nettle before the event. As a result Harmison bowls like a drain, and Trescothick has to return to England halfway through the tour. Did anyone ever consider arranging, in advance, for them to join the tour late, or leave it early? Or a break in the middle? Did anyone ever investigate the various audio/video links which could have made absence from home more tolerable? It is not impossible that regular volleys of abuse from the folks back home would have inspired both to stay in the team and out of England for as long as possible.
It’s possible. What we know for certain is that in both cases the situation was simply allowed to drift… on to the rocks. Once again, I think we are dealing with a lack of leadership from boardroom level.
Finally we have the small matter of Freddie and the Dreamers pushing the boat out. They were admonished, were they not? And Freddie was demoted, was he not? But – correct me if I am wrong – I do not recall any reference to swingeing fines imposed by Head office. They should have been fined within an inch of their lives. Nor do I recall any suggestion of an inquiry into the management system which was in operation at the time of this misdemeanour. Is it not conceivable that inadequacy in that department played some part in the incident?
Without first class leadership, you can have the best ship and the best crew, and you’ll sail round and round in circles, getting nowhere. Not unlike, now I come to think of it, England’s recent progress on the open waters of International Cricket.