John Porter of Kingsclere (1838 -1922)

Wikipedia suggests that the great trainer’s father wanted his son to become a lawyer, but his son opted for the turf. When it was arranged that he should be apprenticed to John Day of Michel Grove, the fifteen-year-old John Porter drew up his own indentures.

Anyone who has seen a Victorian indenture will know that it is about as complicated a document as ever was created. Where, when and how did John Porter acquire the necessary knowledge? How close did he get to becoming a lawyer? Who was his father? I long to have the answers to these questions.

In 1865 Sir Joseph Hawley was about to build the first yard at Kingsclere. Unfortunately Porter fell ill with typhoid while at Doncaster races. During his convalescence, still at Doncaster, he acquired drawing-board, T-square, pencil and paper, and prepared plans for the whole undertaking. Where on earth did that ability come from?

While I wait for answers, I can be sure of one thing: a top-class trainer needs more than just horse-knowledge to achieve success in a profession that is a minefield of imponderables that need to be recognised, assessed and negotiated. John Porter, for those who are new to him, trained six Derby winners, including  Ormonde, who won the Triple Crown, and recorded 16 wins out of 16 races, two more than Frankel.

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I really am beginning to hate Rugby Union. It seems to me that the authorities, in their efforts to make the game more attractive to spectators, have in fact made it infinitely more repulsive.

There is something which I believe is called a Rolling Maul, in which a number of forwards form up in scrum formation, binding to each other like lovers in the heat of the moment. The ball is entrusted to the equivalent of the number 8 (middle of the back row) and this mass of humanity trundles forward very slowly until such time as they score a try or  are brought to a halt by the opposition. When God created Rugby Union, this was never part of his Vision.

Then there is something called “the Breakdown”, which is the exciting time when a hiccup in the forward progress of the attacking side results in the ball-carrier being tackled. There follows a period of physicality which could be called Sumo Groundhog Wrestling. The larger men collide with each other as they attempt to secure the ball, but the rules require them to stay on their feet throughout this phase. Bodies fly in all directions, and there are real opportunities for herculean physiques with almost unnaturally low centres of gravity – but it’s not pretty, and most of the foul and dangerous play happens at this stage of proceedings. Again I have a feeling that the Almighty was not consulted when the governing bodies came up with this tour de force.

It is clear to me that the side of the ball-carrier forfeits its right to the ball when he is tackled in possession. It is clear to me that the right to the ball passes to the side of the successful tackler. It should be possible for an orderly transfer of the ball from one side or the other to be effected under the eye of the referee in quick time and good order. When an attack has failed and a tackle has been successful, why should possession of the ball be decided by a free-for-all? Where’s the justice in that?

I believe this situation emerged from the law-makers’ attempt to reduce the number of scrums in a game. In my opinion lots more scrums would be infinitely preferable to lots of Breakdown mayhem. Let us not forget that scrummaging is a great art, and scrummaging is what allows men of all sorts of different shapes and sizes to be part of the rugby community.

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I am sorry to learn that attendance at race meetings has dropped, but I’m not surprised.  Most of the meetings on week days are rubbish, laid on to increase betting opportunities, so that the bookmakers can make enough money to pay the racing industry a “living wage.”  One must credit the public with good taste if, in response to this entertainment,   they go no further afield than the betting shop.

Mr Bittar is working hard to achieve that living wage from that particular source. If he manages it, it will justify the dreariness of most Monday Thro’ Fridays. However the possibility that this initiative will fail to raise sufficient cash cannot be ruled out. I would suggest that one must keep digging if there is a real need for a crock of gold – which there is. In 2003 the European Court of Justice decided that our racing industry did not have copyright as regards the data which is generated by the daily activities of the industry. I long for the day when that decision is overturned – a decision that was described by several sensible lawyers as “perverse” at the time, and which seems no less perverse in 2014.

I’ll tell you what would cheer me up. If I heard that Mr Fred Done’s* Tote was producing more income for racing than was the case before he bought it, that would do the trick. I have a lot of time for Mr Done*, and I would not be surprised if he turned out to be a good friend to a great (but impoverished) sport.  Are there any figures that reveal the state of play in that area?

*My apologies for so frequently getting his name wrong. It won’t happen again.

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I noticed that the 3.15 race at Doncaster on Saturday January 25th featured 15 runners and a false start. The current procedure consists of transferring the field from the “holding area” to the track some minutes before “off” time, then bunching the field up in a tight-packed unit and requiring it to whizz round in small circles until “start” time. The BHA’s priority is to get races started punctually.

I can see every reason to congratulate the BHA on its astute planning, because 90 percent of races, those with a dozen runners or less, start on time, no fuss, good job well done, end of story. [In fact with small fields whizzing and such-like is unnecessary, but no need to labour that point.]

However the other ten percent (big fields,15 runners, 20 runners, 30 runners, including many of the top races) present a problem. In large numbers horses do not take kindly to whizzing round in tight circles. In large numbers jockeys worry about being at the back of the field when the whizzing stops and the tapes go up. Result? False starts, and races starting late, for heaven’s sake, which is not what the BHA wants.

If one could assure the authorities that this is not the fault of the system, and that the horses (stupid beasts) and the jockeys (undisciplined rabble) are to blame, one might persuade them (the authorities) to make an example of the beasts and the rabble – by compelling large fields to walk onto the track in single file, and then insisting that they form a large circle, plodding round, in disgrace, nose to tail, until the starter wishes to proceed with the starting process – if he can be persuaded to have any truck with such degenerate elements. If they won’t behave in a sensible adult manner and whizz, they must be treated like children and walk!

And by sheer coincidence  it just so happens that this purely disciplinary measure would solve the problem of false starts and consequently late starts, on occasions when fields are in the high teens, or twenties, or even thirties.

[This recommendation is based on the belief that one has to humour hopeless lunatics and hopeless bureaucrats.]

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Many years ago, when multiple ownership of racehorses was in its infancy, I knew a chemist who swore that horses should have Apple Cider Vinegar added to their water, and that refined sugar was poison.  Whether the vinegar played any part in the diet of his horses I cannot be sure, but he had shares in plenty of winners. I do know for a fact that I only started paying attention to his warning about sugar a month ago. I am now in thrall to Billington’s Natural Unrefined Cane Sugar, and looking forward to trying Whitworth’s brand of the same comestible. Whitworths have a Royal warrant, which adds to its charm. I acquired it in exchange for a bag of the white stuff – I felt like a criminal. So far, so good:  unrefined sugar has a toffeeish under-flavour, but it goes well with my porridge, and my early morning tea. What more could anyone ask?

What’s wrong with white (refined) sugar? Sugar in its unrefined state is a combination of very extreme materials encased in benevolent materials which make the tout ensemble good for the system. Refined sugar = extreme materials only, and it does harm. Check it out. I feel better already.

Best wishes.