Racing

2.40 Cheltenham. 12^th March.”They’re whizzing round” and “ Such-and-such  is sweating buckets.” Two of the comments from C4’s eagle-eyed watchers.  Describing the scene,in the holding area,  off the course, before the start, when two lines of eight, plus a few, were rotating at the “Watranter” pace, an ugly  composite of the equine’s first, second and third gears; a feature at the Cheltenham  Festival .

4.40  Same place, same day. “LET THEM GET ROUND THE CORNER!” One starting executive to another, suggesting that it might be a good idea to have all runners on the track before the tapes went up. Well, that’s something.

4.00 race, 13^th March. Huge field:  massed ranks (about five ranks) rotating (sweating buckets?), in a big, but strangely aimless circle. Now for something new:  a small group quietly going about their business on their own. This business seemed to consist of cutting across the aimless circle and to join the front rank of the massed bands. It seemed to work, too.

I live in hope that this is the first sign that some jockeys will not put up with a process that penalises some and rewards others, and upsets horses and their riders, before the runners are even on the track. If that is what it is, I trust that their association will back them to the hilt when they are accused of ignoring starter’s instructions.

I think I only saw one false start at Cheltenham, but that doesn’t surprise me: the speed at which those tapes flew skywards suggests that starters are under orders to expedite the process at all costs.

On the other hand, the field for the Imperial Cup at Sandown went on their way without leaving several yards of flattened rails in their wake (as happened on the two previous runnings). This suggests that management has accepted the idea that it makes sense to have all the runners actually on the racing surface before you get round to sending them on their way. It’s not much, but, as I said earlier, it’s something.

I was shocked to discover recently that the starts of point-to-points are just as flawed as those under NH rules.  The same procedure in every gruesome detail. Possibly as a result of a dictat from High Holborn?  I have no knowledge on that aspect, but I would have expected better from the grass roots of jump racing. However, the fact remains that the “form a scrum and wind it up” method of starting is unfair, dangerous, guaranteed to upset horses and riders at a juncture when both could do without that extra burden, and unnecessary.

Sadly, as long as trainers, owners, jockeys and the public find it acceptable it will continue to be used, until such time as a few real disasters cause the parties concerned to sit up and pay attention (and then blame the jockeys, I have no doubt).

C4 TV

Clare Balding used to be quite a big noise at the BBC, but now she is a mere whisper compared with the strident Plunkett and Spenser. I suspect that IMG has not invested in a voice coach to teach these people about the power of the microphone.  Nick Luck could do with a lesson, too: he seems to be very proud of his resounding but monotonous baritone; I am sure he doesn’t talk like that at home. BBC graduate Rishi Parsad is mellow, clear, harmonious, funny, polite.  Which reminds me, Luck’s other fault is thinking that “encouraging the chaps” means scoring points off your own colleagues. Clearly not a compère of the Des Lynam school.

One of the C4 sages surprised me on the first day of the meeting by announcing that a certain horse (which finished second) was beaten by “the Cheltenham hill.” It was patently obvious to me, and I am notoriously blind, that the horse in question was “running with the choke out” from the start. Consequently, when push came to shove, the petrol ran out. The hill was incidental. The pundit should have noticed that – it’s what he’s paid for.

Talking of pace-judgement, Ruby Walsh and Barry Geraghty often take a position towards the back of the field in the early stages of a race. I surmise that they make their first concern the need to settle their mounts at a pace chosen by the jockey rather than by the horse. Once agreement on this point has been reached, they set about the business of racing, secure in the knowledge that the power supply will not run out until after the winning post. The great John Francome used to do exactly the same thing.

The Grand National

I think Betvictor’s Six Places (a quarter the odds) and a free bet of some sort if you are a new customer, is such generosity. It means that you could be sadly sipping a mournful cup of tea after the race when tapoccatapoccatapocca (sound of hooves) the 6th finisher passes the post and makes you comparatively rich and rather satisfied with life. However, I have no idea what will win. Sorry.

Rugby

I went into the Six Nations not expecting much, and I come out in much the same frame of mind.  A lot of grunt and very little subtlety.

I liked the progress Italy has made. You will remember how surprised one was, a few years back, at the excellent way Argentina took to top level international competition. I live in hope that Italy is following suit.

I was sad to find France so unhappy: on the field and on the sidelines, players and management seemed out of sorts.  Allez France! World rugby needs a touch of the D’Artagnans.  Having said which, let me not forget the volleyed cross-kick from the wing into the hands of a centre which nearly resulted in a French try against Scotland, and which was in the same class as a spectacular volleyed goal scored by Peter Crouch some months back.

What I most disliked about the Six Nations was the development of England’s golden boy, Owen Farrell.  He started off well: kicking goals like a machine, and doing the rest of the job so competently that he took over the pivotal fly-half position.

He then goes to Paris. At an early point in the game, the French fullback, having  completed a clearance kick was standing watching the guided missile disappear into the distance, when another guided missile (i.e. Farrell) hit him everywhere between the lower abdomen and the neck. Apologies? No way – a curled lip was Farrell’s calling card. There was a picture on the BBC website (Rugby Union) showing the golden boy’s very realistic impression of a dog with an A level in savagery going about its unlawful business. Later on he happened to run past French scrum-half Morgan Parra (who is half his size). Suddenly, for no good reason,  out shoots the Farrell left elbow and collides with the Frenchman’s jaw. Parra hits deck, English sportsman canters on.

Dirty play is disgusting, but that is only half the point. The other half is a matter of common sense. The fly-half is the side’s playmaker. Every team does its best to neutralise the opposition’s fly half. So life is difficult for those who wear the number 10 shirt at the best of times. The one way to make it even more difficult is to get a reputation for dirty play. That simply releases the opposition from any inhibitions as regards the manner of their approach to the young gentleman concerned. If Farrell created his new hard image without any help, he is very stupid. If others advised him to enlarge his repertoire to this extent, he is even stupider for listening to them. Interestingly enough, against Wales he looked a bit miserable, and missed a few kicks at goal. I wonder what’s going on inside that head of his.  Owen Farrell – think, think, think!

P.S. After most expert commentators  had  lambasted Farrell for his assault on Parra (for which he was cited), the match commissioner, one John Charles of Wales, decided that he was blameless.  Add this to the mild censure and short ban meted out to the All Black Andrew Hore for attempting to decapitate a Welshman some months ago, and what do we have? We have the top brass of rugby union telling the world’s parents that the game is the best possible training for life – and then adding (with a nod and a wink and in very small print) that if young Cuthbert (or Fauntleroy or Owen even) becomes good enough, he will be licensed to commit GBH  and get away with it.

Worldwide, the game is fairly dreary at this time (for a number of reasons, one of which is bad management at top level). The one thing that it didn’t need was a carte blanche for foul play at international level.  I would suggest that Mr John Charles’ verdict is even more damaging than Farrell’s elbow.

Real Life

If David Cameron went into public life to show the world what a great man he is, well, the show is over. He has made it perfectly obvious that he is far from great, lacks judgement and inspires nobody. He personally is probably responsible for the Conservative Party’s failure to win an overall majority in the last election, and he personally probably deserves much of the blame for the coalition’s mediocre performance since that election. All in all, he is ill-suited to his present role.

On the other hand, if David Cameron went into public life to serve the public, his predicament offers a precise instruction as to his future career: he will best serve the public by finding a job more suited to his talents.

I am sorry to be so rude, but I see a sinking ship, with precious little time to achieve survival, and no time at all for pretty speeches.